Walk, share and dream with me, as I navigate through the complexities of the child welfare system, muse about the beautiful moments and every day challenges of being a foster parent, and dream of my children who I have yet to hold.
I am SO excited for any of you that have decided to foster. I would love to walk with you on this new journey! The next seven days will cover information about taking the steps to foster and what it looks like to fit it into your family. State Guidelines All states require a license to become a foster
family. This process varies slightly depending on which state you live
in. It will typically involve a licensing worker to visit your home
and meet with you and other family members. Law requires an income in which you
can support yourself and minimum personal, safety, and space requirements.
Foster parents will undergo training and work with social services staff to
determine the type of child(ren) best suited for their home (i.e., age, health
issues, and gender).
Set aside some storage space and collect donations to open a “foster closet.” Continuing my story from yesterday with my first set of kids… My friend gave me a car seat which enabled me to go out and do the shopping that I needed. But, I'll tell you, it wasn't really fun. Shopping for clothes should be an enjoyable experience, where you have time for the kids to pick out something that they like, not one of desperation with a barefoot toddler in tow. I vowed to never let such a stressful experience happen to me again. But it's impossible for a foster parent to prepare for every possible child that could come into their home, believe me, I tried and my home quickly became filled with "stuff!" If it's a baby they'll need a car seat, stroller, crib, diaper bag and all the fillings, as well as age appropriate toys, - if it's a school age child they'll need a back pack, school supplies, school clothes, possibly sports equipment.. etc. How wonderful it would be if a foster parent, upon learning that they were getting a child of a certain age could go to a "Foster Closet" and "shop" for any or all of these things. See Foster Closet for ideas.
Set up a Prom Dress Event: Prom is an important event in every teenager’s life. But when you consider the dress, shoes, hair, corsage, dinner and cost of tickets, this becomes so expensive that it all too often separates teens in foster care from “everyone else.” Foster families struggle with these extra expenses and teens in group homes will surely not be able to participate in this right of passage with out the assistance of someone. What if volunteers came together to donate their time and hair expertise to pamper these girls and make them feel like princesses? And others collected donations for dresses, shoes and monetary donations to help alleviate the cost of a tux rental, dinner and the prom tickets. Check out these groups that are making it happen in their area.
It is crucial for foster parents to be able to have a night to themselves to reconnect and regenerate. To know that their children are having a blast in a safe and structured environment will surely ease their minds and enable them to relax!
Sponsor a Drive:
Backpacks and school supplies go on sale for great prices at the beginning of the school year, a great time for a drive. At this time, you will find many families that would appreciate the help with this financial burden. I’ll tell you though, when I needed these school supplies the most; it was January when I received a girl that had nothing. I found myself searching for a backpack when stores were setting up for summer (oi vey!), and school supplies were limited and (comparatively) astronomically priced. How nice it would have been to have an organization to call that would have a suitable backpack for her!
Suitcases, duffle bags, and backpacks because no kid should have to carry their only belongings in a trash bag. In their frequent moves, foster children sadly end up losing cherished belongings, get their things backed for them and are left to use a trash bag to carry their few belongings to the next stop on their uncertain path. Many groups have stepped up to collect new and gently used suitcases, duffle bags, and backpacks to help with this travesty. You could do your own private drive, here are some suggestions on how Collect Suitcases for Foster Children or join forces and start your own program with an organization like Suitcases4kids.
Diaper Bags filled with some diapers, wipes, receiving blanket, burp cloth, ointment, and maybe a few bottles and a pacifier would be a tremendous blessing for family that receives a baby without much notice! This drive would naturally serve a smaller population than the above listed drives.
Start a Royal Family Kids’ Campor help one that already exists in your area. RFKC is the “nation's leading network of camps for abused, neglected and abandoned children,” with a goal of bringing hope and healing to the children one positive memory at a time while providing respite for the foster parents that tirelessly care for them. This camp offers a unique opportunity for 7-11 yr old foster children to receive individual attention through a 2:1 camper to counselor ratio and is fully staffed and funded by local churches. Here is a current list of Royal Family Kids’ Camps as of 2010, see if there is one in your area!
Create a community of support for foster families in accordance with the Help One Child model that I wrote about in yesterday's blog post, as Brian Sussman describes in their video, this model is strongest within a church community. Host a meeting and see who is willing to be a foster family and who is willing to support those families via respite, prayer and encouragement.
Host a Foster Parent Appreciation Dinner: This could be a small BBQ or a big fundraising event, it’s up to you. Imagine an opportunity to show appreciation to foster parents and social workers (both often burn out due to lack of appreciation and support) while raising awareness and funds toward the specific foster care needs in your community. Host a Family Fun Day: This could be a lot of different things. A BBQ with picnic or carnival games and balloon animals, Renting an afternoon at a pool or gym. Organizing an event at a Water or Amusement Park... Endless possibilities, kids just want to have fun and foster parents just need a chance to meet each other and establish community. Host a Christmas Party: I didn't think to include this at first because this is usually something that a lot of the agencies already try to do. But really, it is silly of me to assume that all areas have this opportunity for all foster children. If agencies in your area are already doing this, I'm sure they would love some help in some way or another - just call and ask around. If they aren't, this is such a necessary, fun event that will help to brighten any child's holiday.
The most common things that I hear foster parents say they
need:
1. Emotional support and encouragement
2. A break every now and then (a chance to go on a date with
their spouse)
3. Help with clothes, toys and basic physical needs as kids of
different ages often come with very short notice
4. Advice and support regarding parenting an abused child
Wouldn’t it be amazing if every foster family had another
family that came alongside them in total support? Is that possible? This is a HUGE need. Could
you connect one on one with a family, be their respite (designated,
fingerprinted babysitter), or be a mentor for one of their kids? You could be
the cool “Aunt/Uncle” that takes the kids to a movie every now and then, or
watches them once a month while “Mom and dad” go on a date. This type of support provides the kids with
another stable, loving adult in their life, and another positive role model
while giving the foster parents the necessary time reconnect with one another
and recharge. This is how normal healthy extended families work; it would be
wonderful if one family at a time we could bring this normalcy to these kids.
The best example that I have seen of this is promoted by Help One Child, an "outreach to at-risk children both in and out of the foster care
system” that serve Santa Clara and San Mateo counties.
Go
through your kids’ closets and toy chests. When you learn of a
new foster parent in your community that has just received a child of a certain
age you may be able to make an enormous difference by offering some of these
things. I was given 30 minutes
notice before my first set of kids arrived at my doorstep at 11:30 at night. They only had the clothes on their back, and
for the youngest that meant her 5 yr old sisters footie pajamas, not even a
pair of shoes. Later, I was terrified to
discover that while I had one spare car seat (thought I was prepared) I didn't
have a booster seat for the 5yr old. Here, I desperately needed to take the
children shopping for clothes and I couldn't even leave my house until I had a
car seat! A dear friend gave me her daughter’s old one which absolutely saved
me in that moment, not only with the physical need but to feel less alone in
this endeavor. I’ll talk more tomorrow about how churches and community groups
can help to make this even easier for everyone.
If you own a business, consider providing some sort of discount
to foster families. Discounts are
offered to all different groups of people, why not foster families? It could be a small percentage or a buy 1 get
1 type of offer, whatever works for you. Every foster parent will have
paperwork from the county to identify his or her role and the reimbursement that
they receive for their kids barely covers basic expenses and doesn’t leave much
room for “extras.” If businesses could support these families with a little
discount that would enable them to take the kids for a nice haircut or take
them out just a bit more, it would be amazing.
Pray. Whether you have committed to come alongside a specific foster
family in total support or not, one way to support, often neglected, is the
power of prayer. Pray for these foster families and for the children that walk
through the doors of their home. Pray for healing for the kids that are
recovering from physical, mental, emotional and sexual wounds, the scars of
which may follow them well into adulthood.
These are a few,
immensely important ways that, as an individual or as a family, you can come
alongside and support specific foster families in your community. Beyond this
there are many organizations that you can get involved with that I’ll give
reference to later in this series. What do you think, are there other ways that individuals can support foster families in their community?
Tomorrow: How Churches
and Community Groups can Support Foster Families.
