Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Who will stand?

Who will stand?

I knew this journey wouldn't always be easy.  But some how in my fantasy of it all I pictured myself standing strong and leaping over hurdles with ease through the power of Christ that lives within me.  I pictured scared kids telling me that they hated me, throwing my favorite dishes to the ground, actually running away; and me standing there, strong and steady, with nothing but love and heartache for them, and perhaps the words of Love & Logic, "so sad for you." 

Sigh.  The hurdles and mountains have come and alas, it is not that easy.  I find myself crumbling under the weight of it all.  Questioning the dreams that God has placed in my heart since childhood, feeling isolated, alone, in this fight for the fatherless; broken and lost as I waiver in my fight for my 12 y.o. that I love ever so dearly.  And to think there are thousands more like her. 

I know this path isn't for everyone. But, is there someone out there in this vast vast world that will see His dream and stand with us?  We will gladly take the joys and trials of the 24/7 if we only had someone to walk with us.  We have no family near by, no grandparents for the kids to go to, we lack that father figure to seek out for words of wisdom.  We feel so alone.

Who can I call in that dark time of need?  Who wants to come over for dinner, play games, pour love into her broken heart, give us just a few short hours some evening so my dear husband and I can get some much needed time away.  Surely, there must be someone? 

What do I do?  Continue on in this path that is tearing me within?  Walk away, breaking a promise that I made in the beginning?  I feel as if I'd be casting her to the wolves and my face floods with tears at the mere thought of it.

I know I must trust Him.  I struggle with that.

He's got her, just as He has from the beginning.
He's got us, just as He has from the beginning.

1 comment:

  1. Hold on to that truth above all else: He's got her and He's got you. Trust His plan. Trust His love. So sorry we're not there right now. But we are praying with you and for you and her.