Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I had a dream last night...

We were first certified for foster care at 2pm on June 7, 2010 but were told that it could be months before we actually got a placement. Those months became hours when we received our first call for three children (ages 2, 5 and 8) at 11:30pm that same night.  It was a whirlwind of an experience jumping from a family of three to a family of six but we dove in. We had them for three months and just when things were feeling totally normal and great they were moved to a relative placement. I cried. A lot. 

Luckily we were able to maintain contact with them, their Aunt even had us take them for several hours on Sundays so she could have a break, they could see us, and they could continue to go to church. That lasted for about seven months, then all of the sudden calls stopped and mine were left unreturned. I have been left wondering ever since. Wondering if they’re okay. Wondering if they reentered the system.
I dreamed about them last night, it was so real.  They were back in foster care and had been separated into 3 homes because they couldn’t find a home to keep them together, yet they hadn’t called us. Then a new social worker came on the case, realized we had beds available and jumped through a bunch of hoops to get them into our home, towards the end of my dream it was looking like we were going to be able to keep them. Sigh, ADOPT them!   

Then I woke up.  

It took me a few moments to actually come to realize that it was all just a dream and that they weren’t sleeping down the hall. ….So, the answer to the question that SO many ask is YES, it IS hard to give them up, YES I think about them.


Each one. 

All the time.

... and YES, I will pick up the broken pieces of my heart and do it all over again. 


  1. My dad had a foster son once when he was fairly young. He ended up meeting him about 35 or 40 years later and his foster son remembered my dad as being the strongest man he ever knew. Even if you never get to see these children again I'm sure they have memories about the love and support your family offered them while they were in your home. But, I'm sure you'll miss them forever. :(

  2. Ahh, thanks for your encouragement Ivanna, you brought tears to my eyes! How wonderful it would be to run into these three at some point down the road, they will always hold a special special place in my heart. That's all I can hope for, that for the time that I have them, no matter how short or long, I can give them a firm foundation, help them to discover their dreams and passions and most importantly, that God loves them, is always with them and has an amazing plan filled with tremendous hope for their future, and that they can take strength from that and soar to their greatest potential. And yes, I will miss them. Every day. Forever.

  3. We here that so often..."isnt it hard to give them up..." My anwer is the same as yours and always will be YES. You feel as though your heart has stopped. Especially when you raise them has a few month old infants to over 2. They will each hold a peice ofour hearts forever and we would do it again and again. Thank you for sharing your journey! :)

  4. Update: I heard a rumor that these guys went to live with a relative. I was told that was a possibility when we first had them and the 8 yr old was excited about it. I hope and pray that they are safe and happy and will continue to think about them every day. :)